Discover the path at Hestia's Hearth presents

A Survivor's Series

Stories of extraordinary events lived by ordinary women.

Diana

On Breastfeeding Spirituality and Religion
Thoughts of a Seeker

I was raised in the sixties and started becoming interested in religious alternatives in high school. I remember I had a deck of the standard Tarot cards and a book at one time. It scared me a little with the depiction of the devil and I believe for that reason, I didn't pursue it. I've been drawn to yoga also and could have been very good if I hadn't been so busy raising a child and educating myself for a career to support us.

A few years back I was introduced to the Tau by a group of chinese people in Baton Rouge. Their conversion tactics reminded me strongly of Nicherin ShoShu and so I didn't get too deeply involved having "been there, done that" sort of thing. They seemed very sincere and had a special ceremony to help me heal when I told them about the cancer. Also their ceremonies were quite impressive with young chinese virgins becoming possessed by a spirit and writing in sand at amazing speed, messages from the beyond. Amazing! They are vegetarians too and as you mentioned, there is power in groups.

It was during that era that I used the screen-name "Kuon-Yin".

On Breastfeeding and Motherhood

When she was born she was in foster care for 5 weeks because I mistakenly thought that as a single parent, I would not be able to support her. I didn't know there was something called welfare and asking for my parents to take us in was out of the question. However, I pumped my breasts everyday because I had read that was the only way to lose weight after pregnancy, to get back to your normal body weight. So when I got her back from the foster care agency, I just put her to breast and made her nurse by not offering a bottle. She remembered how because I had nursed her once or twice in the hospital before they came and got her.

I believe that human beings probably used extended breastfeeding for natural child spacing for millenniums untold and some cultures still do. I believe that the reason our generation was so lost and confused was because our mothers did not bond with us by breastfeeding us, instead offering a cold rubber nipple.

My understanding is that when an infant is put to breast, chemical messengers are released that awaken the maternal instinct. By not nursing her infant, a mother has a hard time feeling motherly. She knows what she is supposed to do and tries her best, but really is just going through the motions of nurturing her child and has a hard time really feeling it. It seems that many mothers that choose not to breastfeed come to resent their children as a burden and a chore which can lead to neglect and abuse.

My mother was very bonded with my father and tried her best to be a "good" mother because she was good at everything she did and it was a matter of pride. However the relationship between myself and My Daughter is much, much different than the way I feel about my own mother. I don't feel close to my mother at all. I respect and admire her for many things and I appreciate her bond with my father who is the greatest father in the whole world (my opinion). I'm pretty radical on the subject as you can see. It's one of the only things I have ever felt very strongly about. I thought you would be interested in my story because you are a lactation consultant, too.

Hierademater's Comment

I like Tarot cards and wouldn't mind learning how to use them. For awhile I was interested in the IChing and have some books on the subject. Astrology seems impossibly intricate and complicated although I have a very good friend who has spent many years studying the science and does readings.

Altars and Buddhism

This speaks to me about how important worship before an altar is to human spirituality, not to mention ritual! I don't know if an organized religion with rituals already mapped and practice prescribed is any better than a practice that I invent on my own based on what I perceive as good and meaningful for me. It's a matter of trusting the guys in charge, I guess.

In my late 20s and early 30s I spent a lot of time going to Buddhist meetings usually presided over by Japanese women (war brides mostly) and their converted American husbands. We chanted together and there was a lot of support, encouragement and guidance on a personal level.

The organization fell apart 11 years ago when the leader of the lay organization was excommunicated by the high priest due to irreconcilable differences. I chose to side with the orthodox Buddhism of the priesthood and joined the Hokkeko (Lotus group), however, unless one lives in a large metropolitan area, there is very little activity of the group.

I visited the temple in Los Angles when I was there and found little life there either. I was disappointed about that as I was hoping to find people there I could relate with and to. The practice of this sect of Buddhism depends on the interdependence of the members (believers) and is practically meaningless when practiced alone. It feels empty. Maybe I was brainwashed, but it's hard to break-away, despite all that.

Ok, I already have an altar set up in my home, I would like to re-enshrine the Gohonzon, that would be a start. Maybe I won't chant right away, but at least I could make a commitment to sit in front of the altar several times a day, morning and evening, to just have quiet, meditation for now. I could also light candles, burn incense and offer rice and/or evergreens. I will start tonight before bed.

What do I think About the spiritual, well it's very difficult for me. One of the things I've enjoyed doing while recovering, is reading fiction. I read a variety and recently have read several novels dealing with the subject of pagan religions from a woman's point of view. In other words a positive look at the Goddess as opposed to the male Christian God.

The earth religions have always been attractive to me and I enjoy reading about them but have never been a practitioner. I may have been led in that direction if I had not converted to a Buddhist sect in my late 20s.

Now I am struggling with renewing my faith. I feel that it would help me to chant (Nam-myoho-renge-kyo) the Lotus sutra but just don't have the motivation. There are no other members of this sect living nearby to practice with. The closest are in New Orleans and they don't inspire me to chant I'm sorry to say. So I feel stuck and don't know what to do to help myself in the spiritual realm. I'm open to ideas and suggestions.

'Self Portrait of Diana' Drawing by the author

Hierademater's Comment