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A Touchstone for Health and Wellness

Increasingly, caring for our elderly parents and family members is laden with sacrifice and guilt. Information and support is available but is often challenging to access and understand. The decisions are complex and include physical, emotional, psychological, social-cultural and financial factors.

A best first step is to decide what is the primary factor. For example, looking at physical health and safety issues allows other decisions to logically follow. Physical health means having a conversation with a trusted health practitioner; it means learning about medication options and getting assistance with health practices. Physical safety may also involve assessing the elder person's living situation. Practical solutions can be as straightforward as simple home repairs and fall prevention practices, or getting a personal safety alarm. It can also be as complex as moving to long-term care.

It is vital to openly examine emotional and psychological issues. Family dynamics means carrying complex baggage as the situation shifts. It is better to acknowledge unresolvable issues than to move forward as if it doesn't matter. Ignoring emotional conflict is disrespectful to everyone involved.

Social and cultural factors are what bring the situation out into the public. This is where guilt and sacrifice can become a problem. It may be that fifty years ago an elder parent was able to be cared for at home. But going back to the physical factors, older people seldom lingered on for years in declining health, maintained by 5-15 different daily medications, various therapies and emergency room visits. Families were an extended community all on its own with in-laws, cousins and grand-children close by to assist. When unfeasible traditions weigh heavily, it only takes a raised eyebrow from an unsympathetic relative or neighbour to crush a burned-out caregiver looking for respite.

Financial factors may seem insurmountable but this is where practical knowledge is the best way forward. As the aging population grows, evidence-based programs are constantly developing to meet their needs. For example, when statistics showed that people recover sooner at home rather than in hospital, the Home At Last (HAL) program was specifically created to provide support with the transition from hospital. It takes diligence and effort to ferret out these resources, but the research time investment is well worth it if it can save precious dollars for a different priority. Giving someone this responsibility is also a good way of making the best use of the skills of a person who is perhaps too far away or not suited to offering hands-on help. Don't dismiss the value of time spent on-line, or playing telephone tag, or interviewing potential care-givers.

The key to getting as much support as possible is good communication. Talk to people who are going through what you are going through. As the so-called baby boomer population passes into retirement, the lower birth rate that followed them means they have a dwindling support system behind them. Few members of the next generation are not experiencing the burden of aging parents and are also often sandwiched between adult children and grandchildren needing help. They feel your pain and frustration.

Good communication with a trusted care-giving organization is also vital. There are experienced businesses and individuals offering help services as well as enthusiastic newcomers. This is not a time to skimp and take the cheapest care available. This is a good place in which to be emotional so that the person you're talking with "gets" it – understands what you need in the way of support, help, professionalism, information and dependability. Know that they understand and can give you what you need.

Gertrude King

Gertrude King is an Aromatherapist and Reflexologist with a private practice in south western Ontario.